Not the Right Time
by Lollijoy
Summary: Bill Cipher is about to start torturing little Fordsy but is interrupted by one of his Henchmaniacs! (Billronica oneshot)


Ford gasped as cyan chains grasped his neck and legs. He felt himself being pulled off the ground and levitating in front of his enemy, Bill Cipher. Ford tried to grab at the chains around his neck, they were cool to the touch.

"YOU'RE MAKING THIS SO MUCH HARDER THEN IT NEEDS TO BE." Bill said in his shrill voice, swirling his 'margarita'. The purple drink smelt like blood and sulphur, it made his eyes burn. "EVERYONE HAS A WEAKNESS TOUGH GUY! I'LL MAKE YOU TALK, IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIM-"

Bill stopped talking and looked away from Ford. His eye twitched but he didn't seem to be looking at anything that Ford could see. Maybe he was listening for something?

 _What are you doing Cipher?_

Suddenly, he heard it. Large thumps coming from the other side of a Fearamid. It was getting louder and Ford could hear a gravely voice saying some gibberish.

 _Must be one of his 'Henchmaniacs' as he calls them._

Ford looked at Bill and could clearly see confusion in his eye. Suddenly, it cleared, as if he recognized that awful voice from the hall. Bill groaned and looked back at Ford.

"DON'T TRY ANYTHING FORDSY. I'LL BE RIGGHHHTTT BACK." He said in a singsong voice as he floated towards a door that was behind Ford. It must've been the entrance to his penthouse. Bill brushed against his arm while walking past the old man, it made the appendage numb. Ford drew back a bit and watched Bill disappear in a blue light. He reached up with his hands and tried to pry his neck chain off. He failed. He let his hands dangle and looked around the room. It sure screamed Bill. Especially that picture of the triangle wearing a crown and stepping on Earth. It showed him as he truly was. An egotistical bastard. Ford sighed and closed his eyes. A few minutes later he heard Bill return and he was jerked awake. The room was empty but when Ford turned he saw Bill enter the room from the door. He seemed pissed.

"What was it?" Ford said in a confident voice.

Bill looked at Ford with confusion, as if he forgot the conversation they just had. He blinked his one eye and looked at the chains he casted on the human.

"YOU WOULD LOVE TO KNOW, WOULDN'T YOU SIXER?" The triangle sneered. "NOW WHERE WERE WE…" Bill floated closer to Ford, his dark cartoony hands crackled with electricity. Ford was about to resort with a defence when he heard the loud thumping noise again. This time closer. Bill's eye turned red and he clenched his fists.

"I SWEAR IF THAT IS KRYPTOS AND 8-BALL FIGHTING AGAIN I WILL TURN THEM INTO CONDYLURA CRISTATAS." The triangle mumbled. Even when taking quietly, Ford couldn't stand his annoying voice.

The thumping grew louder and faster, till it was outside the door. Ford saw Bill look over to the entrance and widen his eye. It flashed from red to the regular split pupil. He looked… uncomfortable?

 _Bill being uncomfortable?! What in the world could make_ _ **Bill freaking Cipher**_ _uncomfortable?_

Ford looked over his own shoulder and recognized the monster immediately. The Henchmaniac was over seven feet tall and bright neon pink. It had an 'humanoid' body with a round head, flaming limbs, messy short pink hair, huge horns, large lips, and one huge eye. It was Pyronica, he remembered her from the nightmare realm. In her fire arms, she held a large dirty white binder that had burns and teeth marks in it's cover.

"Heya Eye Candy! I got the pictures I needed to get!" Pyronica exclaimed in a gravely voice. She opened the binder, showing it was filled with pictures of dead bodies and ancient temples. "I needed Kryptos to do it. He didn't want to but once I showed him a meant business, he was happy to help!" She said, fluttering her one eye. The iris was red.

"RONNIE, I'M KINDA IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING." Bill said, only letting a inch of irritation into his voice.

 _Eye Candy? Ronnie? Jesus christ I don't want to hear Bill and this practically nude monster chit chat!_

As the two monsters spoke, Ford tried to wiggle out of his chains.

"Oh! Who is this cutie wootie!" Pyronica cooed, stepping up to Ford. "Hey! It's the guy that Bill wanted to catch." She said in a giddy voice. "I thought you turned him into gold, my little angle." She said, turning to Bill. He looked liked he recovered from her barge in.

"HE KNOWS SOMETHING WE NEED IF WE ARE GOING DOWN THIS WORLD DOMINATION ROUTE." Bill explained. "ONLY THE DIMWIT WON'T TELL ME!" Bill sighed and itched his one large eye. "I WAS ABOUT TO SHOCK THE ANSWER OUT OF HIM BEFORE YOU CAME IN."

"Personally, I prefered him when he was gold…" She said gruffly, patting Ford's back. He expected her fiery hand to burn his trench coat and back. It cooled him instead. "Anyway!" She stepped closer to Bill and he floated back. "I got these cool pictures of places where we can visit after we get out of here!"

She opened her binder and turned to the back. She walked back over to Bill and showed him.

"Here is Palenque! I heard the humans that used to live there tasted great!" Pyronica said cheerfully.

Bill, now getting into it, floated closer to the binder, and looked at the picture of Palenque.

"I HAD HAUNTED A COUPLE HUMANS THERE ONCE. FOR SOME REASON THE PEOPLE THAT LIVED THERE LEFT A SHORT TIME AFTER AND NEVER CAME BACK." Bill eye seemed to be somewhere else for a second before going back to the binder. "THEY BUILT THESE TEMPLES THAT LOOK LIKE ME AND NAMED IT AFTER THEMSELVES! RUDE IF I SAY SO MYSELF. STILL, IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD TRIBUTE."

Pyronica smiled and turned to look at him.

"Were those the people that insisted you press a wooden board against your forehead to make you look more beautiful."

Pyronica smirked, her bucked teeth and fangs poked out.

Bill laughed, it made Ford cringe. He hated that laugh.

"I SAID I LIKED THEIR TRIBUTE, I NEVER SAID THEY WERE SMART."

Pyronica rolled her eye playfully and looked back at the binder. She pointed one of her flaming fingers to a picture Ford couldn't see. The six fingered human realized his chains were suddenly looser. Bill must be distracted.

"Going here would be cool! Only 8-BALL said it rained crazily, and I really don't want my hair to be ruined."

Bill scoffed and pointed to a picture in the binder.

"WHY DID YOU PUT A VOLCANO IN HERE?"

"Well, I thought we could have a hot tub party here, like what we did with Pompeii!" Pyronica seemed oblivious to the, again, uncomfortable Bill.

"YEAH, WE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T OF TURNED ON THOSE JETS."

"Please, you know you turned them on. Even if it wasn't on purpose." She laughed. "I must've gotten you riled up or something!"

Pyronica and Bill shared a glance and the triangle quickly looked away. His pupil was about half the size it was usually. Ford, who at the moment was trying very hard not to laugh, met eyes with Bill. The demon's form flickered red for a few seconds before going back to Pyronica. Ford gasped as his chains tightened sickeningly around his neck and legs. Bill looked at Pyronica and closed the binder shut with his magic.

"SORRY TOTS, THIS WAS FUN, BUT I'VE GOT TWINS TO TORTURE AND BUBBLES TO POP." Bill said smoothly, seemingly over his awkward feelings. "WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO ME LATER, AFTER I OPEN THIS IDIOT'S BRAIN AND FIND THE EQUATION I NEED." Bill glanced at Ford. "FOR NOW, WHY DON'T YOU GO EAT KRYPTOS OR TEETH?"

Pyronica grinned and nodded.

"Sure thang boss man!" She sang swiftly.

Her gruff singing voice sounded ok but then again, Ford just heard Bill sing earlier so everything sounded alright after that. She patted Bill on the top hat, blew a kiss to Ford, and thundered out of the suite. Bill's body glowed light blue and he readjusted his hat. Ford remembered once trying to touch the infamous top hat during their researching in Ford's dreams. He would never forget the look of pure death Bill gave him. He was surprised she survived touching his hat, you would think it's his child.

"NOW THAT _THAT'S_ GONE, IT'S TIME FOR TORTURE THE FORDSY. WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE CLASSIC WATERBOARDING, OR PERHAPS 500 VOLTS OF ELECTRICITY."

Bill looked at Ford with a cocky expression. He expected to see a terrified face but instead got a face trying to hold back laughter. Bill's form shimmered red.

"WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!" The one eyed demon growled.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Ford chuckled, ignoring the pressure from the chains on his neck. "The all so clever, smooth talking, deal making Bill Cipher just got flustered over a freaking pink highlighter!"

As the moment got longer, Ford laughed harder, and angrier Bill got. The now red and black demon grabbed the chains around Ford's neck and legs and held him up to his eye.

"500 VOLTS IT IS."


End file.
